This being Fath…

This being Father’s Day, and all, I thought I would make this edition of “The High Five” be; Things You Can Inherit From Your Father (You’ll get it in a second).

In the meantime, Happy Father’s Day to all the Daddies and Daddy-Os out there.


5. “Alien DNA” (Out of This World): The 1980s sitcom Out of This World brought a slew of great ideas to our magic boxes. Like “What would I do if I could freeze time” and “Would I like to swing on a star?” and “How exactly did Evie’s mom have sex with that box that sounds like Burt Reynolds, anyway?” But, the most prevelant of thoughts (for me anyway) was “What would life be like if I was half alien?”…The answer, about 50% LESS alien. I mean, seriously, I couldn’t have been much more of an outcast…Also, was I the only one who totally crushed on Evie?

4. “Dope Basketball Skillz” (Teen Wolf): And let me start by saying, there is only one Teen Wolf. It don’t star Jason Bateman, and it ain’t on MTV. The one true Teen Wolf is, of course, Michael J. Wolf. Ok, Ok…The real inheritance from Scott’s father was the wolf gene…But, as anyone will tell you: Wolves are fucking AWESOME at basketball. Also, they are hard to understand (What exactly did Scott say to himself in the mirror after his first transformation…”Cheez Wheez”?)

3. “A Dead Planet” (Superman) – Dear Kal, the good news is, we saved your life…the bad news is, everything you may have hoped to know about your race is rubble…Enjoy farm life. Your Dad, Jor. PS…Dean Cain is the shit. Snoogins.

2. “Carpal Tunnel Syndrome” (Star Wars) –  I’m pretty sure everyone knew Darth Vader would be on this list, no?

1. “Everything” (The Bible) – C’Mon…Can anyone beat inheriting the right hand of God? Sure, he had to clear us of all our moral debt to get it, but MAN was it worth it. The guy is practically worshiped these days, all because of who his father is, Jesus being at number one was a no brainer for me. Also, he had that handy “water into wine” trick to keep him and his friends lubricated while on Earth.


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