Samuel L. Jackson is the highest grossing actor ever, AND I HOPE HE BURNS IN HELL!

Warning: This story is less “breaking” (as he was awarded his Guiness Book spot in October, and more “I want to fill a page with Samuel L. Jackson puns, and also, be able to use The Avengers again in my search tags” news casting.

 

“Can I give you a foot massage, then some sex?”…”Bitch, be cool”

Ahem…

Does Samuel L. Jackson LOOK like a bitch to you? (well, let’s pretend we didn’t all see him flirting with a smartphone over “organic risotto” recently…) The answer is “NO”, Samuel L. Jackson is no bitch. And he proved that in October, when he was named the Guinness World Record holder for highest grossing actor. That’s the double-truth, Ruth!

Now, I am sure being in both the entire Star Wars prequel Trilogy and EVERY Marvel movie leading up to The Avengers doesn’t hurt…and I am sure being friends with Thor (you know, Thor…Odinson…Asgard? Don’t fuck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your ass, Thor) doesn’t hurt either, but lest we forget, Jackson has like 190 movies under his belt. He’s not a zoologist, man…He’s a mother f***ing actor!

So the question is, has he clinched his place as top grosser with The Avengers (and I assume another 15 “Avengers” based movies after it…though you know what they say about making assumptions…you make an ass out of you and umption). I have to go with “yes”. Unless he quits film acting and goes into television…you are aware that there’s an invention called television , and on this invention they show shows, right?

OK…I’m done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh…I am tired of these mother f**king snakes on this mother f**king plane!

 

 

 

Now, I’m done.

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