A Totally F***ing Awesome Avengers Review: The Redacted Edition

Let me start by saying, that there has never been a Hulk movie up until this point. Ang Lee, Ed Norton…That dude that played Hulk in Ang Lee’s Hulk...All children, playing at the idea of the Hulk. Joss Whedon and Mark Ruffalo cracked the code. But, more on that in a bit. Oh GOODIE!!…Spoilers AND Easter Eggs, all rolled into one…Wait, you shouldn’t be reading this if you don’t want to read spoilers…I am not kidding, they will come, and I will have warned you.
What Joss Whedon did with this movie, is nothing short of amazing. The sheer amount of talent, story and action that needed to be manipulated and woven together, is enough to make an ordinary person cry. Whedon, however, managed to orchestrate it into what I can confidently call the first comic book movie. And, humor…Don’t forgot about the humor. Because this movie is funny. Funny, in a way that accentuates the individual personalities, like adding salt to a dish brings out individual flavors. In a way that says “this is a movie about comic book characters…its supposed to be a bit on the side of ridiculous.”Wait Wait Wait…You don’t think I am kidding, do you? Please stop reading these sections UNLESS you’ve already seen The Avengers…It’s about to get hot with spoilers up in here…no joke. You should reall stop now, and just read the actual article.
Let’s start with the talent. Much like The Avengers, we are talking about a group of people that probably aren’t used to sharing the spotlight. Aside from Ruffalo, who has been coming up the tried and true way of pure acting, all have spent the at least the last few years headlining. Some (I’m looking at you, Downey…) (…Jr.), have been kings of the Hollywood heap, presumedly having to answer to no one. That said, at no point did I feel like I was watching an Iron Man or Captain America movie…This was another beast altogether, and with a pitch perfect ensemble making sure every actor/character got their screen time, and found their arc. Of course, when I speak of The Avengers cast, it can be assumed that I am including Tom Hiddleston’s (2nd) brilliant performance as the God of Mischief…In fact, strike my earlier comment, it felt like a Loki movie, which is how a great antagonist should command the show. Holy shit…you are REALLY tempting the gods, my friend. Spoilers ahead, proceed with caution.
Hulk SMASH. And Smash, Hulk did…THIS is what the Hulk is supposed to be. No nonsense (OK, maybe a touch of nonsense. Like totally f***ing cheap shotting Thor, in the middle of the third act battle, in a bitch move…Or whipping the shit out of Loki, reducing him to a nothing of a man…both awesome, btw), bad-assery, destroying EVERYTHING in his path. And, emotional…I defy anyone who has seen the movie or who will see the movie to not form some sort of emotional bond with the Hulk. I’m hungry…I think I will make a turkey sandwich…Would you like something?…Something to drink, perhaps…some shawarma, maybe?

The story was phenomenal, in a perfect 3 acts (introduction, formation, and balls-to-the-wall destruction), with the 3rd being every bit as fudgy bananas as everyone is saying. And, of course a (FIRST of TWO) post-credit scenes that will leave comic book fans WELL satisfied (THANOS, bitches!).

Bottom line, I loved this movie. It is quite literally 2 and a half hours of those bad ass trailers that have been whetting our appetites. If you enjoyed those (and I don’t know anyone who didn’t), this movie will knock your socks on your ass. Go see it. I give it 4 1/2 out of 5 painted on wings. In Joss we trust. Nanu Nanu. Live long a whatever.

PS…I would love to give you some spoilers (like that Agent Coulson DIES), but unfortunately this is the redacted version. You will just have to read between the lines. Get it?


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